Hello everyone. Not sure what I'm doing but I know i need to be here. Friday March 11th 2011 i smoked my last cigarette. I announced on my social site that I was taking control and I asked them to keep supporting me. I couldn't get in this site for 72 hours. I wasn't sure what I was doing so I reached out to others who had become non smokers until I could get in here. Every day I thank them. I couldn't have done it without them. I smoked for 32 yrs. Why? I used to say I like the taste. But I didn't like the after taste. I used to say I need a cigarette to do this or that. Why? I believe I was distracting myself from life. It used to be the means of getting extra breaks at work because I NEEDED one. Who was I fooling? i have thought about this decision for at least 6 months. Although family and friends think it was a spur of the moment decision, I assure it was NOT! I live with someone who is dying from liver failure because "you have to die from something". I have been depressed and lonely and cigarettes were something I could control. Or so I thought. The more stressed the more I smoked. The more I smoked the harder it was getting to breath. I had no energy. No incentive to do anything. So I finally decided I had to take charge of my life. No one was going to fix me except me. It was very scary. But Friday I had half a pack and no money for more without robbing the piggy bank and it was cold windy and snowing. So I looked at the pack and said to myself when these are gone there are no more. That's just the way it is going to be. When I finished smoking the last one I turned to my S.O. and said "I just smoked my last cigarette." He almost popped his eyes out of his head. "when did you decide this?" he said. I didn't tell him I had thought about it I just said I just decided today. The first day wasn't too bad. I kept busy. Went online to find information and help. Got a lot of good information and found this site. The thing I liked most was that you can't come back if you EVER smoke again. It taps my honoring of myself. Something I had lost somewhere. That's when I proclaimed that I choose to take control of my life and this was the first step. the second and third days it was hard to figure out what to do with my hands. So I just stayed on my smartphone with anyone who would text with me. At the end of the day I proclaimed victory for that day and got my kudos from those who love me. I have to say day 4 and5 I never want to go through again. If nothing else THAT is what's going to keep me from ever smoking again. I almost through away a 5 year relationship. I literally bawled my eyes out all the way home from work day 4. Then when I walked in the door he was there and let me walk into his arms without a word and sobbed. Then I told him I needed to go for a walk. I finished my crying. I think that was the grief letting loose. I never want to purposefully feel that way again. Now day 6 and 7 have been not necessarily a struggle but I am aware of various smells. I am starting to breath better. i have unbelievable energy. I'm hoping that settles down some. I quit caffine 10 yrs ago. I quit refined sugar a year ago. Now the cigs. My next venture is to start trying to fitten up a bit. i am only 52 and I have just realized that 50 is the new 30! I love it. I am so proud of myself for going cold turkey. I think because the taste craving is easing I am a little euphoric. But I do understand that there will be times. Last Sunday I looked at his pack of cigs. no one there but me. I even said no one would know but me. Then I said I would know. I said NO! and went out of the house for a walk. I am most proud of those moments when I honor my body and defeat that demon on my shoulder. i am so glad I finally got to pour out everything here. It was like waiting for Christmas. I am still a newbie so I will appreciate all wise nonsmokers stories and experiences. To my new found supporters I hope to be there for you as much as you are for me. My motto is NAP. (Not another puff!) till next time. breath deep breath clean breath long.