Hey everyone. My name is Amy. This is my first post and as I type, I’ve been 1 week, 2 days, and 9 hours without a cigarette. I down loaded an app to my iPhone that tracks how long it’s been and how much money I’ve saved and I look at it throughout the day. I’ve been meaning to write my first post shortly after I joined the forum but I’ve been trying to keep myself EXTRA busy to try and keep my mind off “you know what”. This past weekend was both easy and difficult! I had a dream and in it, I was chain smoking. I remember feeling like a failure in my dream. I even remember thinking in my dream that I hadn’t even written my first post in this blog yet and now I’m banned for life! Thank goodness it was only a dream but that next day was very difficult to get through I must say but I did it! I’ve tried to quit so many times using many different methods but this time I went cold turkey. I would buy a pack of cigarettes (ultra lights) every other day and smoked them for 24 years. Might not seem like that much to most people but as my husband would say … I took long, deep drags and I could smoke a cigarette down to the filter and be finished before most people. I was ADDICTED!
Anyway, I’ve had my moments of weakness. Still do. I quit once for 12 days and picked them back up again during a night out with friends watching live music and drinking … I asked a smoker to bum a cigarette and that’s all it took, I was hooked again and those 12 days I went without were like it never happened.
The reason I quit this time is because my body was starting to give me STRONG signs that if I don’t quit, it will. I never felt bad before but I’m starting to have wheezing and of course coughing all the time but now my chest hurt and I was getting winded very easily. After a week I already feel a lot better. I’m eating right and exercising at the same time to try and avoid weight gain.
I’m desperate to quit but afraid of myself because I still think about it a lot. I’m trying to pay close attention to when the triggers hit me and I want a cigarette. I make myself do something to get busy right away until it passes and it usually doesn’t take long. Gum helps! I have to quit this time. I feel like the boy who cried wolf because I’ve tried to quit so many times before and was unsuccessful. My willpower is being tested like never before and I must admit, I’ve never had much in the first place.
My boss smokes still. We used to go on smoke breaks together all the time and now I feel like we’ve “broken up”. It’s weird. I don’t want to make her feel bad because I quit and she didn’t but I had to tell her because she kept asking me to go outside with her and I couldn’t. It’s strange I feel bad for her because I quit. I don’t want to disappoint her or upset her for obvious reasons and she is a very supportive person and a great boss. Since I told her I quit we don’t really talk about it anymore. She said she needs to quit also and I told her I’d love to do it with her but I don’t want to push her if she’s not ready. The social aspect being gone is sad.
So … there you have it. I’ve been lurking on this website for a short while and I’ve taken the leap to post and reach out to y’all for support! God knows I need all the encouragement I can get!