Day 21 and counting. I've been reading so much since my quit date and I have to say that's helped me more than anything else. Just educating myself and finally learning that the dependency, the panic attacks and everything else i felt while still a smoker was actually something most smokers dealt with made me feel less alone in this. reading about how everyone was getting along, made me feel like i was part of something. i know now why it was the way it was, and i know now that i can definitely stay quit this time. I still haven't told anyone much that I've quit. i don't think i can deal with the pressure of living up to THEIR expectations. just living up to my expectations is all i can deal with right now. but I've told a few close friends and they're happy for me, obviously. i had a startling revelation yesterday. i met up with an old friend and he's a fairly heavy smoker. and the whole experience was surreal. when i got into the car, everything reeked of cigarettes. and it was actually really disgusting. he has a three year old daughter, who rides with him to school. and all i could think was, "gosh, that poor child travels in this filth?". for the first time in a long time, i noticed that he reeked of stale cigarettes as well. i can understand now why my non smoking friends would wrinkle up their noses at me when i joined them after a smoke. i can't imagine ever being in that position again. just three weeks of being clean and i feel like an entirely new person. i did put on a little bit of weight but nevertheless i feel better about myself, the way i look than ever before. i have this new found confidence that startles even me. i work out every day and going to the gym feels wonderful. running was so unpleasant before and now i actually look forward to the treadmill. i'm loving this. and it's only going to get better right?