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Sep 2 12 3:02 PM
Sep 4 12 9:03 AM
Had 2 dreams last night. In the first one I was visiting a new friend in a very strange and colourful town. i was also wearing a very silly dress!!! We were sitting down outside with loads of people and they were all smoking. I was telling everyone 'do you realise I'm the only one not smoking" It didn't bother me I was just amazed how many of them smoked.
I only remember the end of the second dream. My son was saying to me "Mum you gotta quit smoking" I was upset and was saying "I really want to but how?? I want to so much but dont know if i can"
When I woke up I thought how am i ever gonna quit smoking. Then as I became more awake I realised it was a dream and I M NOT A SMOKER!!!! You can imagine the JOY i felt when i realised I dont have to worry about how to quit smoking - I already did it!!!!
(I'm not worried about these dreams - my dreams are always strange and vivid - i even dream about a horrible place i used to work in nearly 2 decades ago - the same old frustrating dream!!! )
Also I think it's good to never forget what life was like as a smoker - to avoid complacency.
I still think about smoking sometimes - but it's more of the concept of smoking - not an urge to smoke myself. If I do think that I think about what I'd really be doing. Inhaling all those burning toxins. I wouldnt get any relief - smoking would give me no benefits and one cigarette means all of them, plus the full blown addiction that comes with it and all the nasty things that come with that.
(P.s. if this post appears twice slightly different its cos i had trouble with connection as i was posting it so typed it again.)
I'm getting there, gradually
Free for 29 days, 13 hours.
Sep 4 12 9:09 AM
Sep 4 12 8:27 PM
Sep 6 12 8:40 AM
Sep 7 12 10:39 AM
GREEN !!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!
WOW green seemed so far away when I first joined this site and now Im here. I know Ive got so much further to go but Im happy Ive come so far too.
I want to thank everyone who runs this site and all the people who have been such an inspiration to me - you re doing an amazing job. People who have posted encouragement and also people whose journals and posts I have read who have inspired me to hang on and who have most likely helped so many others as well.
I know that everyone's quit is their own but the support received here is invaluable.
I ve read and learned so much this past month - thank you.
Free for 32 days and 15 hours.
Sep 7 12 11:13 AM
Sep 10 12 6:25 AM
Sep 18 12 3:21 PM
Wow it's now 1 MONTH, 1 WEEK AND 5 DAYS!!!!
It s been a long time since I last posted in this journal - I've had so much going on but there s a few things I want to post about.
First, about a month into my quit I found out what the real me is like without nicotine regarding confrontation. Without going into too much detail, there was this person I have to deal with due to family circumstances who's often stressed me out in the past by being I guess rude, like a lack of respect way of talking, and trying to have things their way etc. Well this time they confronted me about something, (something small) shouting etc and I just stood up to them. I wasnt rude just asked them to speak more respectfully, they didnt and as it went on I was angry inside but calm outside. I ended up leaving the situation but telling them I wouldnt deal with them when they are being that angry and rude to me, but i d talk when they calm down and show more respect.
I was actually on fire inside probably the angriest i ve been in years. And as I went away I thought - in the past I would have reached for the cigarettes in a situation like that. This time I had no crutch. I could feel the adrenaline running like crazy so i thought - just go with it. I let myself feel all the anger and thought about what had been said and amazingly after a time maybe 15 minutes i calmed down. I was also pleased that i had finally stood up to this person, and done it in a good way - i mean like not shouting and losing my temper like they did. I ve watched Joel's video about anger its true what he says that you often let things pass that annoy you as a smoker - you go away and smoke and never deal with the situation. Now that i dont do that I've noticed Im being more assertive in other areas too now.
There is something I want to explain about this but Im not sure how to explain it. People have talked about getting more confidence after they quit smoking and although I know this has happened to me it's like there's something more to it. I think it's a combination of a few things:
1. I feel like I have a new life - like i ve been given a new chance and so that gives me the desire to make the most of it.
2. As I said in an earlier post, being proud of myself for quitting smoking makes me feel able to tackle other challenges too
3. The biggest and best decision I ever made was to quit - so now many other problems can seem trivial in comparison
Well it's getting late now - I'll have to leave the other stuff for a later post. I just wanted to share what happened as its yet another positive gained from quitting.
1M 1W 5D
Sep 18 12 9:17 PM
Sep 19 12 3:17 AM
Oct 1 12 6:47 PM
I feel bad that I haven't posted or been active very much recently but life has been so crazy. I'm now over six weeks into my quit
I wanted to post about something ages back - My partner's work takes him away from home for extended periods of time. He is a smoker and he came back home just before I went Green. While he was away we had been talking most days on the phone and he was not at home when I quit. I think at first he didn't believe I would quit. When I did quit I talked a lot to him about it and he was supportive - I talked a lot as well about what I have learned from here, the law of addiction, the first 72 hours and loads of other stuff. Part of me wanted him to understand what it was like to quit, and part of me wanted to impart knowledge !!! Because I also hoped that maybe any info I gave him could help him if he decided to quit. He is very cynical of a lot of things including statistics, he says he wont use any support including this site, but I've found that over times he will listen and he'll take things on board if they seem to be important to those he cares about. (or seem to work :)
Well i was a bit worried about how life would be when he returned even though I was confident in my quit. He was very careful not to smoke near me (we have never smoked in the house) and to keep smoking items out of sight. It wasnt a problem for me I have not been tempted. Ok Ive had a smoking thought but it was a thought - not a crave.
He also said he was gonna quit. Now - I have not asked him to quit or complained about his smoking. I told him what he does is his decision. But when we both smoked he knew that i wasnt happy. I used to tell him i wanted to quit but he always said he liked smoking - it was his only vice - he will always be a smoker, you've got to die of something etc etc you've heard them all before. That's why - when he tells me he wants to quit I dont know what to think - i'm too scared to hope. I want him to surprise us all and do it - I'd be sooo proud of him ive told him that. I dont tell him these other emotions - I just say I'm pleased he wants to quit and I'll support him etc. I know we cant make others quit but after we've done it ourselves, isn't it just human nature to want it so badly for those we care about??? and for those we don't even know?? i know Im not alone in feeling this Ive read similar emotions on here - when you've quit you want to reach out to everyone else and help them.
Im probably talking too much - sometimes I dont know if Im making too much of a fuss about things.
One thing I want to say though is that I really feel comfortable now regarding not smoking. There's a lot of other difficult stuff happening right now in my life which i ll maybe talk about when im ready - but the smoking side is clear - black and white - I will never take one puff again. I really want to shout about it cos it's so real - so strong and powerful but now so much a part of my life - I DONT SMOKE.
I dont want to smoke - and if i ever think about a cigarette its a passing thought - it last less than a second - its what i used to be (i will never forget that i used to be a smoker and that i am still an addict) but it's not part of who i am now. I'm the new, improved me!!!
I could talk all day about this but life calls me back to the chaos.
Free for 1 month 3 weeks 4 days
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