Some more "desparate addict" moments...
Lied to my dad about the smell in my car. "No Dad, I've got friends who smoke..." (mid-summer, 1990)
Lied to the parents *again*. "No! My work partner smokes, not me!" I worked at a gas station by myself, smoking the whole night. (winter 1991)
Quit smoking after developing nasty upper respiratory infection. Smoking during that illness literally made me throw up. Two weeks later, feeling much better after a round of antibiotics, I relapsed. I didn't see it that way at the time, it seemed completely normal. (again, winter 1991)
Huddling with a group of fellow addicts WAAAAY in the back of the factory, outside, in the cold, collectively sneaking our fixes shortly after our company declared the property smoke-free. (1995)
Ducking into the bathroom at work with my fellow addicts, feeding our addiction in a no-smoking zone, telling each other that those "whiny" non-smokers could just take a hike! Even sillier, believing that we were somehow hiding our actions. First clue of failure--you could smell the smoke from 10 feet away, and see it curling under the door at about 5 feet. No joke. (1996-2003)
Borrowed the parents' car for a 90 minute trip during one of my failed quits. I blew this particular quit in the parking lot of a shopping center in Kendallville, IN on my way to meet my parents at the bluegrass festival just down the road. The worst part of this one--practically threatening my young children not to tell my parents about my relapse. I spent the majority of this weekend volunteering for garbage duty (nice long walk to the dumpster--perfect feeding opportunity) and hunching down behind my tent--all for a puff that I now know could be smelled in the next county. (2002)
Was I really this stupid?! No, merely an addict. One that has now been free from the chains of drug addiction for seven months, two weeks, one day, 16 hours, 17 minutes and 8 seconds.
Blessings,
Amy--Silver+Green
227 days