this is an amazing and powerful thread. I just read through it all from start to finish.
Here goes...
Have you ever been told by your doc that you HAVE to quit smoking to address your breathing problems, sheepishly agreed, got up and got into your car, and had one lit by the time you put it in drive?
I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever, and in fact countless times, used your asthma inhaler so that you could breathe well enough to finish that cigarette and 'enjoy' it without choking too badly on your chronic and phlegmy cough?
I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever visited your father, who is on oxygen and can barely walk from one room to another without gasping for air, so that it breaks your heart every time you see him, and excused yourself to go outside and sit on the back porch in the dark and the cold so you could suck down a couple of cigarettes? All the while knowing, somewhere deep inside you, that it hurt him so to have to witness that?
I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with your breathing problems, and felt like you were getting only about 10% of the air you should be able to get, and, after laying there in the dark for awhile, still breathing so shallowly, decided that you couldn't sleep afterall, so why not get up and go out to the front room and have a smoke?
I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever, all you women out there, gone out so late at night and in such dicey neighborhoods, that your heart beat so loudly you could hear it in your ears, and your eyes scanned the surroundings continually, on hyper-HIGH alert for predators, with the adrenaline pumping through you so strongly you felt the pressure of it in your head, and placed yourself at very real risk for sexual assault, so that you could achieve that all- important end, that vital need, to buy a pack of smokes to see you through until the dawn?
I have, I'm an addict.
All this and more! Butts from the garbage!!! Cigarettes drying in the oven!!!! Nabbing a long butt from a public ashtray!!! (and that still makes me sick to my stomach) Bumming from anyone - offering them a dollar for one "because you see I'm trying to quit!"
Lying to myself. Lying to the ones who love me. Hurting my little kitties with the second hand smoke (so ashamed of that, so very ashamed...)
Ohhhh man.
And now, soooo thankful to have found this site and all of you, and this philosophy, and Joel's videos...soooo thankful to be here at day 22 and strong in my resolve, despite any discomfort or curveball, to stay true to my quit. No excuses now, no addictive thinking to worm its way in to rationalize putting myself at risk any further than I already have.
NTAP, my choice! My joyful, difficult, life-giving choice! And not alone in that but here, joined with all of you!
pat, swimming now, getting near to green, at day 22.