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Welcome Andi
Wonderful first post. You've hit the nail on the head when you say that this quit is different. Why? Because we finally GET IT. We finally had the gumption to see through the drug haze that we had surrounded ourselves with and took a hard cold look at where we were, where we wanted to go and how we could get there. I've always felt that the great many of us who came to Why Quit and Freedom whilst looking at quit smoking sites following an internet search have all had incredibly good karma to have clicked on the Why quit link. Good karma as in someone up there giving us a second shot at life.
The zero relapse tolerance policy of this site is like a vitamin pill for any quit. There's no falling off the wagon coz...well, there's no wagon period. A highly effective policy to help keep the quitters mind focussed on their quits in a positive manner. As you so rightly say - it's good to have this structure and these rules.
I must confess that I have no experience or true understanding of the closet smoker. My smoking was always the typical "out in the open" and borderline militant type. I can only imagine what you must have gone through closet smoking your way over a 35 year period. In addition to all the "usual" feelings we ex smokers had when active addicts - the self hate, disgust, genuine fear etc - you must have additionally spent an enormous amount of time and energy planning each nicotine fix and then how to hide the smell and then plan the next fix etc. A truly vicious cycle. And so, I can only imagine the magnitude of relief that you are feeling now.
Wendy and Denny have linked some great reading and reference material for you. Try downloading one of these Free Quit Meters so that you can keep track of your quit and also to give others an idea of where you are when they render advice.
Good luck Andi. Glad to have you with us
Robin - 8 months +