Hey Andi...
Let me disagree with you. You DO NOT want to smoke, I imagine you really just want to quiet your mind. A smoke will never cure anything as you are well aware of. Be patient, it all comes together when we least expect it.
In your own words;
"Roller Coaster", "wanted to smoke", "stress", "anger", "frustration" = keep reading and secure your quit.
"I'm not alone", "I did it", "I could do it" = Your doing it. Confidence growing. Great job!
45 days is a major reason for celebration. The hardest part is in the rear-view mirror. Remind yourself of your motives to quit and let your confidence grow.