Wow, today it is Day 45 and I have remained nicotine-free. Some days are harder than others. Some mornings I wake up almost in disbelief that I did not smoke the day before. This non-smoking lifestyle is totally new and very foreign to me and, like I said, some days are harder than others. I can only compare quitting nicotine (for good) to be like moving to a foreign country and having to learn a new culture and a new language. It's even deeper than that because I have to learn a new way of thinking and a new way of feeling. Without nicotine dictating everything, for the most part I am at a loss as to who I am supposed to be but you know, I'm not pressuirng myself or worrying about it. I am having to undo the last 32 years; I shouldn't expect to accomplish it in 45 days. I am committed to this being a new life journey and I'm going to embrace everything about it. I'm so amazed at how deeply entrenched nicotine was in everything about me, physically, emotionally and mentally. I told a coworker recently that I feel like I am my own science experiment as I experience the newness of this nicotine-free lifestyle. It's all just so amazing!!!

I read a lot of posts on the Freedom message boards and they have been so helpful to me because people's experiences help me to understand what it is I'm going through and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel (and it's NOT a train) through the various stages of this new life. My true peers are other nicotine addicts and I'm very very grateful for the help they give me. I also continue to do a lot of reading on whyquit.com; it has proven to be invaluable to me, priceless really. I don't have any fears about not being able to stay nicotine-free because now I know how to do it: NTAP. It truly is the only way for me to experience 100% success and I know it.

I just thought I'd check in since it's been a while. I'll be back again I'm sure.

Cathy