Gitte...thanks for the warm welcome and the encouragement. And yes, I am actually enjoying the gym image, silly but true!
Today, I had a tough horrible day at work, kind of like 10 hours of chewing on tinfoil....the kind of day that would have sent me screaming for a smoke every 30 minutes just a few short weeks ago. I am firm in my resolve not to smoke...the problem right now is that while I'm absolutely committed to NTAP, I'm a bit restless and 'what next'. I think I've forgotten to focus on just today, and am letting my mind jump ahead to tomorrow and tomorrow and forever.
I realized, last night, that while I now have all this extra time and energy, I don't know what to do with it....I'm kind of at a loss for what I'm supposed to do, or who I'm supposed to be. I was thinking about it this afternoon. Since nicotine is a drug, and cigarette smoking is a drug addiction, I've spent the better part of my adult life dealing with every problem and celebrating every joy by taking solace and pleasure in a drug. A very sobering realization and not one I'm particularly proud of image Now that I'm not masking every emotion and legitimate physical need with nicotine, there is a lot of 'stuff' coming up that needs to be dealt with. Problem is, I don't have the energy right now to deal with it....It's taking everything I've got to keep my quit strong. I am also still having a lot of trouble sleeping.
It's funny, but the first few days of my quit were about pure survival....just getting through the next minute or hour without a smoke. But now, I guess I'm starting to experience what oldbies are talking about when they talk about the journey to the 'real me'. It's funny that I don't remember it being this way in prior quits...
I can do this and I will! I will embrace this opportunity to find a different way to live, to express myself, to care for myself and respect my real needs. Aside from the physical benefits of quitting, this could be the best part of my quit. This is what 'freedom' and 'comfort' means, isn't it? I'm excited and scared...
And PROUD because I've been quit for 2 Weeks, 5 Days, 9 hours and 12 minutes. I have saved $72.68 by not smoking 484 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 16 hours and 20 minutes of my life.
Cindy