ForgotPassword?
Sign Up
Search this Topic:
Forum Jump
Dec 9 10 7:08 PM
Thanks Ben for bringing this up again - it's ages since I first found this, then lost its whereabouts.I think it would do me good to wallow in some of the despicable things that my nicotine addiction made me do. So here goes:-
The first 2 quits ended when I had family members who smoked staying in my house. I thought I was secure enough at that time so I allowed smoking in the house but didn't realise that when they left packets of cigs around I would turn into a sneak thief! I started waiting until they had gone to bed and then helping myself. I would only take one cig. if there were plenty left in the packet so it wouldn't be missed. I would have a few crafty puffs during the day but save most of the cig for last thing when I would take my dogs for a walk in the woods. The first deep drag made me so giddy I actually fell down! did that stop me? hell no! I just couldn't wait until the next day to steal another.
My 3rd quit ended when I started stealing cigarette butts from the ashtrays I was cleaning up after my AA meeting! one wealthy lady would only take 2 puffs before stubbing her cigarette out - those butts were like gold! How low can a girl sink?
A lot of my clothes had small burns in them from when hot bits of ash dropped off the end of a cigarette. I remember covering up one such a hole in my favourite jacket with a pretty brooch.My last canine family was a mother and her 2 pups; she died of old age, having seen both her sons die prematurely of cancer. I will always wonder how much my smoking contributed to that and feel dreadful guilt. My present 2 dogs have lived half their lives with a smoker but I hope their second half will remain un-polluted.
I first decided to quit when by daughter was around 14. I chose that time because that is the age when the youngsters here tend to start smoking and I wanted to set her a good example. I couldn't do what my Mum did and lecture me about not smoking while continuing the habit herself. I survived for nearly 3 years that time but then started again as mentioned above. For many weeks I got away with it but one day I was returning home from the shops in my car, smoking a sneaky cigarette, when I got caught in a traffic jam and saw my daughter, who should have been in school but was out on some errand with a bunch of her class-mates. To my acute embarrassment, she spotted me first and shouted out loudly "Mother - you're smoking again!". OMG should have been the other way round, not teenage daughter ticking off middle-aged mum.
I am not by nature dishonest, or a thief, but my nicotine addiction was stronger by far than my moral sense of right and wrong. Thank God it is all in the past and I can live clean and honest and with integity.
Interact
Share This