Wow!! this site never ceases to amaze me!! I hadn't even considered that my "feeling low" was normal. I've been waking up and my first thought is "I feel sad! why?" I had a wobbly day at work last week, I think I said, I'm a teacher and I just couldn't cope, everything seemed to be rubbish, I was useless at my job, my pupils were playing me up and so on I was under no illusion that smoking would have helped, it would not relieve the stress or change the situation and I had no worries that I would turn back to smoking. I just need to work through it, one day at a time.

I have just had a different kind of weekend though and it was good, still under a bit of a cloud and a little low but I do honestly believe it will get better - I'm so excited that I've nearly got to the month mark and my tin of money is building up - what a waste it all was - I do think I suffer from looking back too much and wishing I'd done this many many years ago but I didn't and I AM doing it now!!

I have made several pathetic attempts to give up, I wrote notes to myself stating all the reasons why I felt so bad about myself (the closet smoking etc) but when I talked myself around to buying a packet I never looked at my notes.

This quit is so different, I know what I'm doing and how I'm doing it and when I need to say what I feel on here, I get a response and answers and help and encouragement. I do not feel alone and I can shout about my success!! I have told my husband that I have made the decision never to smoke again, I know he knows I smoked more than I let on, we were out walking beside the river and chatting, I couldn't have an all out confession, it's still that embarrassed feeling, I'm ashamed and find it difficult to own up to it all.

I know I'm going to make this, Before, I have sat outside crying and smoking telling myself I will never be free, but I am free and although its a funny old time with the ups and downs I am going to be free from this addiction forever.

Lucie
xxxx