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Feb 2 07 8:43 PM
Annette, I hope you are reading here this morning and reinforcing your committment to staying quit. Some great links have already been posted above.
I know it can be hard to stay focused when there is a smoker in the house, but your quit isn't about the smoker in your house, or any friends, or any stranger you see who still smokes. Your quit is all about you! No one else is going to suffer the physical diseases and disabilities you will get from smoking. Not your husband, not your grandchild. But they will suffer the agony of seeing you suffer!
From what I've seen here at Freedom, the strong thoughts you are having about smoking at 2 ½ months into your quit is not at all unusual. Some folks get them a little sooner, some get them later (My tough period happened at about 4 months into my quit). If you haven't done so already, I encourage you to open up and read the link in Kay's post above on "Turning the corner, acceptance." This may be where you are at.
Your 20 year addiction of smoking a pack of cigarettes a day adds up to nearly 150,000 cigarettes (close to 1,500,000 million puffs!) that you've asaulted your body and brain with. Each has released the unearned "Ahhhh" of the dopamine rush and recorded with it a high definition memory that basically says "this is survival". With all of this it wouldn't be unexpected to me that you are having thoughts of smoking. For a lot of us, there comes a time in our quits where success is becoming real, and when that happens it can be frightening to us and trigger a whole bunch of junkie thinking again. This is where acceptance comes into play. There is nothing about "survival" that can ever be associated with nicotine! But, a successful quit can be survival itself.
We are drug addicts with a true addiction to the chemical nicotine. What you are experiencing is temporary during this initial part of recovery, and is nothing at all like the true ex-smoker comfort that is down the road waiting for you.
Richard (after 33 years, close to 3 free)
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