We are always here Gingersnaps.
You wrote:
"I don't want to smoke again. I really don't. So why then, does it still appear somewhat attractive from this angle, from this distance and in this moment?"
You are a nicotine addict, it's that simple. You are going through a period of adjustment to life without nicotine. After little more than 3 weeks, you are still learning how to face every little thing that comes your way without first sucking smoke into your lungs for a dopamine rush. In the simplest terms you don't know how to face down any challenge without that white paper tube but you will, in time, learn how.
We had a myriad of reasons for starting to smoke but in the end we all smoked for one reason only. We are addicted to nicotine. There is no cartoon character on your shoulder. If you don't believe me, go take a look in the mirror. The conversation going on in your head is between your perceived need to use nicotine to cope and your intellect insisting that it is not necessary. The payoff for following your intellect is immense. You don't look cool when you smoke - You look like a smoker. It will get better with time but only if you remain nicotine free. The relief you seek is not in that paper tube despite what you are telling yourself. On the contrary, relief from this seemingly never ending dispute, true freedom, comes from remaining steadfast in your decision to never take another puff.
Take note of all of the positive effects of quitting. Be grateful for what you have accomplished. There are many nicotine addicts right this moment saying to themselves. "I wish I could quit." Would you like to join them.
Joseph
Gold x2.