From: Roger (Gold) (Original Message) Sent: 5/3/2003 3:40 PM
The day many of us made the decision to gain control of our life from our deadly addiction is a day we began one of the most personally satisfying & humbling experiences of our adult lives.
Many of us found Freedom & WhyQuit as we searched & prayed for a thread of hope for something to enable us to finally succeed in taking control of our addiction. As we read the successes of others we began to develop that glimmer of hope & belief in our hearts that we too could find the comfort they described. At first our goal was a short one. We understood in just 72 hours we could become part of this fine bunch of people who would understand what we already have gone through and probably will continue to go through as our journey continues.
Unknowing to us at the time, the journey we embarked on would be the the birth of many realizations we would discover about ourselves. Realizations of deep rooted fears possibly from a personal experience of a previous quit, lost quit or traumatic hearsay from someone elses experience how they struggled to overcome their addiciton. Realizations we have tender emotions hidden and masked by nicotine and smoke in a self induced state of addiciton. We realized and accepted we were addicted to a highly addictive substance and needed to draw on the education, experience and motivation of others until we too could find the comfort they spoke of and be able to stand on our own two feet. We took their word for it and continued our journey on our own raw emotions and dynamic faith by believing they were telling us the truth. One day at a time we continued our journey until our comfort began to surround us. Just as it will embrace many of you who are still in the earlier stages of your quit. Be patient & enjoy your journey.
Many of us read and post to milestone celebrations. We continuously tell Newbies along with Glory Week Graduates, Green, Double Green, Bronze, Silver and Gold achievers it continues to get better. My personal comfort happened to me early in my quit. By my Bronze Anniversary my new life as an x-smoker was well on the way to being a natural part of my every day living. I did notice subtle changes occuring but not on a grand scale. At Gold I wondered just how much better it really could get. My journey was full circle. I had lived nicotine free through seasonal changes, holidays and our last child leaving the nest and off to college. She is just a few hours away from our home but seeming like around the world. At this point in my quit, what I used to call triggers has evolved to just a natural occurance or event of my everyday life I accepted and then moved on. I mean, comfort is comfort, isn't it? What I didn't know was, I was about to find out what comfort really is!
A while ago an event began to unfold in my life that I admit had me wondering how I would deal with the outcome. This being the eventual loss of my last parent, my Mother, to lifes natural cycle. I wondered if the craves and triggers would be so great and tempting I would regress back to one minute or one hour at a time. There was never any doubt in my mind this challenge would never lead me to once again resort to poisoning my body with nicotine and chemicals from the process of delivering the drug to my system. That addiction is one event in my life I am in control of and have control of and it will not take place again. My concerns were just about myself wondering how difficult of a time I would have facing the impending loss. I wondered just how far I and my quit had progressed and evolved. I knew I had the resolve, education and tools to see me through this challenge. What I didn't know and speculated on was how many of the tools I would have to take out of my tool box to nurse me through any emotional damage that would be channeled back to me when my Mother passed from this life to another.
Today as emotional healing continues I look back and realize I never once had the desire to actively feed my addiciton during my Mothers transition. It never happened. My only thoughts of my addiction were speculating and remembering how in the past I would have handled all of my present emotions. Those emotions would have been subdued in a drugged state of euphoria, just as they were some years ago when my Father passed, by over actively feeding my addiction 2-3 pack of cigarettes a day.
A little over 16 months ago when I began this journey, I had no idea where it would lead me. Today I live with the warm realization that my quit has progressed far beyond the comfort I dreamed of achieving back then. I have not forgotton I am still and forever will be an addict in recovery. The biggest difference being I am now the one in control now. I will never forget one puff will send me back to the depths of my addiction. I understand the Law of Addiction and accept it as universal truth. I no longer fear my addiction, I respect the power it can have over me, if I allow that to happen.
My Journey Of Healing Has Taken Me Beyond Comfort.
It has taken me to a deep level of Inner Peace & Respect of Myself.
It has given me the ability to proclaim with a high level of Confidence, I Will Never Take Another Puff.
It has given me a much deeper appreciation of my life and myself.
It has given me the sense of relaxation to enjoy the simple things in life.
I cherish my new life Beyond The Comfort I hoped for.
One Day At A Time, You Too Can Find This Elevated Level Of Comfort,
As Long As You Never Take Another Puff