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Jul 23 04 7:18 PM
I wish it was just a nasty little habit
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Hi, first let me in introduce myself. I have been [ a nicotine addict ] since I was 16, I am now 25 (almost 26). I started [ using nicotine ] casually with some friends after school, which by college turned into a [ full fledged addiction ]. Until a week ago I was [ using ] just about a pack a day. 20 Brand Name Not Important [ nicotine delivery devices ] a day, usually more on the weekend (being out drinking and [ bringing on premature withdrawal ]) In college all of my friends [were nicotine addicts], all my college friends [ are still nicotine addicts ]. Everything I did, everywhere I went I was [ using nicotine ]. I would always have [ nicotine delivery devices ] on me. I would [ administer a dose ] first thing in the morning and right before bed. If I had only 2 [ delivery devices ] left in my pack you bet I was on my way to the store to buy more so I would never be without them.
Well people have been on me for as long as I can remember to quit [ using nicotine ]. I always said, "Yeah, yeah I will quit when I am ready." I told myself I would stop [ using nicotine ] when I turned 18, when I was 22 as my new years resolution, and then when I graduated college. I never even tried to quit. I don't think I even made an effort.
Two weeks ago money was a bit tight so as I was sitting making a budget for the week I was trying to figure out how I was going to make ends meet with bills, food, gas, and [ nicotine ]. I looked at my budget and laughed at myself because I was budgeting in something that was killing me. I said to myself, "How the heck is it possible that I am 25, college educated and still doing something 20 times a day that is killing me slowly and here I sit trying to figure out a way to keep doing it?" So I decided I was going to quit. I bought another pack of [ nicotine delivery devices ] the next day and told myself that after that pack was done I would be done. I began to research and found this site and whyquit.com and I began reading. I learnt a lot and made my mind up that I could do it. So a week ago today @ 11:45pm I [ used nicotine for the last time ].
I must say the first days were ok. I wasn't crawling the walls or anything. I would wake up in the morning and crave [ nicotine ] but I would tell myself today we aren't [ using nicotine ]; we will deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Although the craving never really went away (sort of a fog over my head all day, I was thinking about [ nicotine ] almost every min. of everyday) I didn't [ use nicotine ]. I drank a lot of juice. But I guess most importantly I didn't [ use nicotine ] not even [ once ]! I told myself: get over it, you're not [ using nicotine ] so figure out something else to do!
Well day 6 came and the cravings came a bit stronger and now at day 7 I might be going out of my mind. I am very restless and crawling out of my skin. I smell [ the toxic residue of the combustion of 4000 + chemicals ] on my co-workers and am obsessing about it. I want [ to smell like that too ], I want [ nicotine ]! I know why I quit! I read and re-read my list but god I [ never knew what it meant to be addicted until now ]! Not a lot of stress in general right now but just a longing for [ relief from withdrawal ].
My big concern is tomorrow. I am going to an all day music festival with a friend of mine. I have been looking forward to this show for a long time now. I know we will be drinking a lot of the day and just hanging out seeing some really good sets. I love outdoor music fests and this will be a really good one. Although I always [ used nicotine ] at them. My buddy is a [ constantly in withdrawal ] and I know he will be [ burning a toxic waste dump ] next to me all day. On top of that with drinking tomorrow I am not sure if I [ understand my addiction well enough to deal with the challenge ].
I know this was a long post and if ya read the whole thing…hey thanks! I guess I am just sitting here typing all this out cause….well I just want [ to smoke nicotine for the rest of my life ]!
The message must have helped (along with others) as tihs post ended the thread this reply was lifted from.
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The day that smoking changed from being a matter of choice to a mandatory endless requirement was the point of no return. What may have started as a brief rebellious experiment, an attempt to look more adult, or as a means to gain acceptance from others, was now a true, full blown and permanent chemical dependency. Scientists tell us it was then that we each altered our brains and that even if we are able to quit , break free and grow 100%comfortable in our new life as an ex-smoker, that we each remain on probation for the remainder of our lives, always just one puff away from relapse.
Knowing the law of addiction doesn't make the comfort that arrives, for all who remain patient, any less comfortable. In fact it can be comforting knowing exactly what it takes to stay free! There are no loopholes in the law of addiction. Yes, the "thought" of "just one" is a lie! Like Joel teaches us, the true measure of the tremendous power of nicotine isn't in how hard it is to quit but in the power of that one little puff and how easy it is relapse!
Be patient with your healing, just one day at a time! There are over one billion comfortable ex-smokers on earth and none of them were stronger than you! It doesn't take strength to quit but simply desire and an appreciation for the power of smoking just one puff of new nicotine! There is only one rule that we each must follow in order to remain free for life -NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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