While going through the very old archives I came across this response I wrote to a member who asked for a request for inspiration after a relapse.
Your wrote in your request for inspiration the phrase, "had a few puffs...then a few cigarettes, then a pack...you know how the story goes" The fact is we do know how the story goes. But not just the story of where you are now. The bigger story is where are you headed. Where is this chapter going to end?
Basically, you need to make a decision, or your addiction has already decided for you. Are you going to quit or are you going to smoke? If the decision is to quit, you have to put up with whatever your addiction throws at you the next few days. If you are not willing to put up with withdrawal, smoking is the only option left.
When it really comes down to it, smoking is the easier option. Cigarettes will make all the hard choices for you. You don't have to make any decisions, or put up any effort. Cigarettes will call all the shots, dictating your every action. Given the opportunity they will make all your hard choices for you for the rest of your life. They will decide when you smoke, how much you smoke, how much you spend for them, how you will smell, how you are perceived by those around you, how long you can hang around with any ex-smoker or non-smoker comfortably, when you will get sick, and ultimately, when you will die. You don't have to make any long term plans for yourself, your cigarettes will take care of all such matters. If you don't make up your mind cigarettes have already essentially taken your freedom of choice.
If you decide to quit, I don't know what the next few days are going to bring you. If it's easy, great! If it's rough, hold that "first puff" of the "few puffs" accountable for what you are now experiencing. Instead of looking at a cigarette as a savior, helping you feel better from the discomfort of withdrawal, look at it is the villain that it is, making you go through this whole quitting process again. Hold that first puff accountable. For that first puff truly is now responsible for the suffering you are experiencing today, and again, if given the opportunity, it will be responsible for the suffering of a potentially crippling illness and eventual death.
Need inspiration here…remember, you are fighting for your life. Don't lose sight of this. I originally found this board from a reference at another board to www.whyquit.com. I'm not really sure which board came first. Zep can answer that question. Whichever, if you want inspiration, look at that site now too. As bad as you may feel initially from quitting, if you put yourself in the shoes of these tragic people and their survivors, you will see the effects of quitting are truly child's play compared to the suffering smoking brought to these people.
No one can decide for you what to do next. But you have to make a decision. And you have to live with the consequences of whatever choice is made. The consequences of withdrawal or the consequences of smoking. Neither side is perfect, but one side has many clear advantages over the other. I hope you find the choice that is right for you.