I wrote the following letter to a member who had quit for 18 days and wrote a post saying he was probably going back to smoking that particular evening. This was my reply to him. I don't know if this member is off smoking or if he is even still a member. But the reply applies to everyone here who ever thinks they consciously really want to go back to smoking.
You are at a point that all of our members are at who are nicotine free for at least three days. You are free to choose now. You can choose to smoke nothing--you can also choose to smoke full-fledged again until it cripples then kills you. If your choice is to relapse and go back to smoking again you know what to do. Tonight will be as good as any time. Although, as long as your goal is to smoke until it kills you, why fret the rest of the afternoon, now is as good as time as to relapse as any.
So again--as long as your goal is to smoke till it kills you--you know what to do. As long as you know you will be smoking tonight, today would be a good time to do some estate planning too. Get your will, living will, durable power of attorney, organ donation papers signed in case there are any organs worth harvesting after smoking takes it tolls throughout your body, and maybe call your insurance agent and see about getting some disability insurance. Just in case cigarettes don't cause a sudden death scenario, you want to make sure to have money available in the event of a long disabling illness. Cigarettes can cause plenty of them.
One of the most common ways cigarettes accomplish this goal is to destroy your lungs and breathing ability. Who knows for sure there will be enough money to take care of your needs when you can no longer breath on your own. In fact, if money gets too tight and you can't work, affording cigarettes will be a real problem then. So insurance shopping will be a good way to spend the afternoon now. By the way, you will have to state that you are going for the insurance because you are planning on becoming a long-term smoker. Insurance companies need to know this so they can adjust your premiums accordingly. If you were to mislead them and say you are a non-smoker, when the disease strikes and you expect payments--you may be in for a terrible shock to find out that you will not collect for signing up under false pretenses.
Another good thought for today is maybe prepay for a plot and funeral arrangements now. You can save a bundle. Most of us don't like to think about such things but it sounds like you are planning for a life and death decision tonight so why not make a number of them.
So again--as long as your goal is to start your slow motion suicide into action, you know what to do. If by any chance you were not really considering going back to smoking till it cripples and kills you--you may want to have some contingency plans set up for tonight too. Maybe take the money that is going to be earmarked to smoking for the next month, which may be hundreds of dollars and go out and have a really good time treating yourself to things that wont kill you. You will be able to do a lot more of this as long as you always remember to never take another puff!