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This has a been a good post for me. I'm at Day 75, at a point in my recovery
that is neither shaky nor yet assured, where I still must remain vigilant. Although I have large chunks of time during the day where I don't think about
smoking at all, I will get the occastional "Well, how about it? One won't hurt." That's when I remind myself how I am now an ex-smoker. I
do it immediately, remind myself why I must remain an ex-smoker. It's my best defense, a handy thing indeed.
Thanks, Bob. A good one to have on hand right now.
Jun 9 04 3:21 PM
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Dec 9 04 7:12 PM
Hello friends. I am so grateful for this post. I have written this also in my "first post journal".
But, this is SO important to me and to my quit, I am posting here, too. I am sorry that the formatting in this post may be weird…I
typed it in my electronic journal because it was way too important to possible "loose". Thanks for being there for me.
I haven't cried in a while, but I cried last night. Yesterday was the day before a 5 day break from work. It was the day
before I get to spend 2 days doing "getting ready for the holidays" stuff. It was the day before I would also be getting ready to go to the
mountains to visit my daughter and see my granddaughter in her first dance recital. It was the last day I would be "pre-occupied" for a while by my
job, my co-workers (who are my friends) and by being "busy" without having to "decide" to stay busy. It was a day when I sat down in my
friend's cube and said, "OK, I am not one bit fearful that I will smoke, not one bit, I know a cigarette would not change anything I have to do or
get accomplished in the next couple of days. I am more concerned about staying "on track" and getting everything I have to do
Staying on track…..that's why I cried. I cried on the way home from the mall because I was going to be "staying on
track" without my wicked companion. It caught me off guard! "Ok, OK", I said to myself. "NOT ONE PUFF, NOT
ONE!"….GOSH…. It has been 7 weeks plus since I made a decision for freedom from slavery, a decision for "more life". It caught me off
guard and I cried all the way home. I cried some when I got home. I KNEW one thing to do and that was to log into Freedom and
READ. God is good….I went to the Emotional Loss string and immediately found Turning the Corner... Acceptance.
Bob, thank you so much.
I actually couldn't believe what I was reading….which is often the case when I come to Freedom for help, wisdom, and
encouragement. It is EXACTLY what I think I was experiencing. I stopped crying. I read the whole article.
This made perfect sense and I found it EVER SO COMFORTING: "During our pre-quit, our withdrawal, and our early
trigger reconditioning, we deal with heavy doses of the first 3 stages (denial, anger, bargaining). It's not always pleasant, but it IS something we can
sink our teeth into. There's something to push against. As long as we've got a tangible
enemy to fight, things tend to be, if not pleasant, exciting and clear-cut. Meet your enemy head on.... defeat it with truth, and sometimes sheer
I won't replay the whole article. This "find" was so important to me, in my journey, it is one I will print. It is
one I will save in my favorites and it is one I will copy to my electronic "journal". YES! The "struggle had lessened". YES,
"comfort actually began to kick in". YES, "being a "on-smoker" seemed doable!" Crying for me is less frequent and most days
now, non-existent! I do remember that I NEVER want to go through withdrawal again. And, yes, I ponder my identity. I found this string on Thanksgiving Day
and it had to do with "identity", too, but I needed a reminder: Reading and Growth Yes, I smoked through everything.
Ahhh, now, I read what I am feeling! "2) the very nature of the transition -- acceptance of yourself as an ex-smoker
-- is rooted in permanence. Where before, the struggles were day-to-day, this is suddenly about me vs. eternity." Thanks
so much for this next step to FREEDOM through knowledge, education and truth! While I was crying last night, I thought of my "base" truth - I
don't want one, I want thousands of cigarettes, I thought of how I would feel if I had to tell everyone who has celebrated with me that I am a smoker
again….I thought of having to go through withdrawal again! Then I read these things on this post! Then I felt comfort BECAUSE then I KNEW, SOMEONE DOES
UNDERSTAND, SOMEONE DOES KNOW.
Now, I will "go on with life" and "start my day. I will not smoke today. I will NEVER TAKE ANOTHER
Katie - After 40 Years! Free and Healing for One Month, Twenty Three Days, 1 Hour and 5 Minutes, while extending my life
expectancy 3 Days and 3 Hours, by avoiding the use of 902 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $180.75.
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