| From: Laura | Sent: 4/24/2002 7:59 PM |
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There's nothing that needs to be said in response to this. I just need to say it. To get the words out. The feelings. To think that I have been "heard." I'm green. Yahoo! I never thought I would see this day. I never thought that I could go without a cigarette…my "best" friend…for one entire month. And I have. And that gives me reason to be grateful, and reason to rejoice. First of all, I am grateful to the people on this site. I'm grateful to Alaina, Anna, Matt, Roger, Deb D. , and everyone who responded so positively to my first post. I'm grateful to them for teaching me how to "reclaim" my living room (my primary smoke den!), and for giving birth to my freedom candle. I'm grateful to Joel for the many articles and insights that made this an educated quit. I'm grateful that I've been taught that my addiction to nicotine is no different than my father's addiction to alcohol. I'm grateful that, in some odd way, I've been bonded to my dad through this "one day at a time" approach to life. I'm especially grateful to Marty for giving me a kick in the butt when he told me to get out of "Laura land." Not even my therapist is that cruel…or effective. I'm now not afraid to tell people about my quit…and I love the affirmation that I get…even from strangers. I'm also grateful to Kim and Kelly. Tho I don't know their entire history…their story has touched me…deeply. Tonite, I'm more than green. I'm red and blue. The red is for the colour of the wine I'm drinking. It's a definite trigger thing. I'm just home from a work-related "event" and this time would usually be spent smoking and drinking my little heart out as a reward for making it through a challenging evening. Tonite, I'm limited to wine. Interesting test. I know I'll pass. Tho now, as I look at my quit meter (659 NOT smoked) I feel like I am missing each and every one. I feel like I could catch up on my smoking in about an hour. But I won't. I can't. Here comes the blue. The sadness. The loneliness of drinking this wine without
"friend" or lover. Bear with me, Marty,…even my Dad names this "self pity" to my face. So to move on quickly to my reason to rejoice. This "quit" is the greatest confidence builder I have had in a very long time! My relationship has crumbled. I've been seriously betrayed. But not smoking is proof of my ability to care for myself. Proof of my ability to overcome some pretty powerful stuff. To truly effect change in my life. This is good. This is very good. So, this is a long route to "thanks" to everyone on this site. For sharing your stories, your courage, your strength, your humanity. Here's to the power of connection. Proud to claim, One month, one day, 22 hours, 55 minutes and 26 seconds. 659 cigarettes not smoked, saving $236.97. Life saved: 2 days, 6 hours, 55 minutes |

