When will I learn that I can't ever EVER have just one again? I am just so tired of beating myself up.
I quit then because I needed the money. I was spending about $100 per month on smokes and I knew I needed that cash for the house. Unfortunately, I started smoking a pipe about six years later. My friends were all smoking cigars and I didn't much like the smell of those, so I thought a pipe would be a good idea. I was wrong - it was a bad idea. It didn't take long before I was hooked again. I smoked the pipe until mid 2000.
Sometime after that I remember thinking I had overcome my addiction and that I could have ' just a puff' and no harm would come of it. I kept smoking for 7 years after that. I was crushed that I failed but I know now that ' one smoke' is the road to defeat.
I have quit all drugs and alcohol, and I know that one drink will lead me to destruction. But, with smoking, I couldn't see it that way, and kept thinking one puff would be ok. Then one day, I could see it so clear in my mind---smoking was slowly, quietly, taking my life away from me.
I made a big mistake the last time i quit because Itold myself it will be all right to start again if I quit for a long period. I know now that this was wrong and that I can never have another puff again.
Five months later... my junky thinking crept back into my head. I didnt recognize it at first, I figured I had beat this thing down... One won't hurt, It'll make the stress go away. Unfortunately I believed my Junky mind and reached for that first ciggarette. (stupid, stupid stupid) I learned 3 things that day 1) It did not magically make the stress go away as I had believed, 2) it tasted terrible, it was nasty and 3) as Joel and the rest of the freedom crew stress so often YOU CAN'T HAVE JUST ONE.
One other thing is also true. You're one puff away from 2 packs a day. I very quickly returned to my old nicotine consumption level. Just like that.
I was repulsed by the smell of smoke for years. The at in Tahoe, at a casino for days on business, I became imune to the repulsion. I was stuck in smokiness for days, and eventually it didn't bother me.
"Hey, can I get one of those off you?"
I was back. I hid it from my family for a while, which kept my smoking limitted for a while, but how long can that last? I eventually came 'out'. Smoked like a chimney for about two years.
My first quit was cold turkey also and lasted for 2 years. I truly thought that I would never smoke again (I could not stand being aroung cigarette smoke and thought it was nasty by this point) until one day I took ONE DRAG off a friends cigarette because I was bored and I wanted to remember what was so great about it. I dont know what I was thinking. No, actually I do...I thought that after 2 years of being nicotine free I was in control and I could just do it once while everyone else was doing it then go home and forget all about it. I was 100% sure that I could do it just once no problem but now here I am 4 years later. I learned a valuable lesson from that one drag (that led to a LOT more) at a HUGE price.
I never took a puff for 13 years.
Tried twice to quit, made it both times to 21/2 months then got the fatal idea that i could smoke just one, well that ist puff hooked for the next 10 years.