Hi Everyone -
Thank you for the volumes of interesting and insightful posts I have been able to read in the parades and other threads. I have been typing, deleting and retyping for a long time now, surprising myself at how complicated telling my little "how I became a nicotine addict" story seems to be. I think instead of explaining it all out, I'm going to just give a few points:
- I am 40 years old and was smoking 15 cigarettes / day, closet-style, holed up in my home office before and after my 12 hour work days.
- I was showering twice a day because I never wanted to smell like cigarettes.
- I would never ever smoke in front of anyone, ever, even smokers or people who knew I smoked.
- I convinced myself that after such a long and hectic day, I really needed and enjoyed my "alone" time. (See previous bullet)
- I wouldn't smoke when my son was in the house, so whenever this amazing young man would come home from college to visit, he would have to suffer my
crankiness, restlessness and anger. The visits were short of course, since he would just go back to school because who wants to be around someone who is
nagging and irritable and furious all the time??
Now, I am 5 days into it and the irritation and upset are fading. Mostly, what has changed, and this is HUGE, is that I am not looking forward to him leaving in order to be able to smoke!!! I never realized what a sad side effect this need to smoke was having on this most important relationship. It is tempting to mourn all the lost time and hurt feelings he must have had, knowing I would feel relief when he left.
I won't do that mourning though, instead, I will celebrate the joy of being nicotine free today and spending as much time with him as I can and look
forward to him having an extended visit, maybe even stay the whole summer.
Jenne - who is Never Taking Another Puff!