I'm a recovering nicotine addict. This is my story.
It's been 19 days since I had a cigarette. I still want one - but I won't. I found Whyquit through Google a full 9 days after I smoked my last cigarette. I'd gone cold turkey but had to hand (but never used) 2 packs of NRT gum. It stood there as a crutch but never came out. I didn't know at the time everything that I now know from this amazing place but it is so great that I didn't replace one nicotine addiction with another. Thank you for the education, the resources, the stories the sharing. I get stronger from it. This is my first real posting and I've got so much to say (I have been on a parade) to celebrate my achievement.
Over two years ago I bought that gum - it stayed in the cupboard. In the last two years I went to a hypnotherapist. Didn't quit - but didn't have a cigarette for a whole 12 hours! 15 years ago I used patches - didn't quit and stopped them when it was clear I was smoking my usual up to 2 packs a day. In 2001 I stopped for a whole weekend! I tried the NRT lozenges at one point as well. Bottom line is I've tried and failed so many times over my now-finished smoking career of 30 + years and have never made it past the 72 hours. But now I have and many more days besides.
Two years ago I went to a beautiful beach with some dear girlfriends. At this place there is nowhere to buy cigarettes. So then I made sure I had a huge stash. My friends don't smoke. This weekend we went back. As we got off the train and into the taxi that would take us to the ferry one said "have you got enough cigarettes?". I said I'd quit 13 days ago and that night it would be a whole 2 weeks. A cheer went up. I was able to be with them the whole time. No smoking breaks, no leaving the room. A new and better way to be with my friends.
I love good coffee! But it just got better. Whilst I love coffee I do not drink a lot - I've taken in the advice on caffeine on this site. But it really tastes great now. I buy 2 lattes a day at work. One at around 11 and another at about 3.30. I bought the same when I smoked. But it was a different experience. I'd go out of the office, smoke, then buy coffee, then smoke then take rest of coffee back to desk. About 20 minutes. Now I just get coffee and have no guilt about the minimal time spent away so I can REALLY enjoy the coffee. And I get to see just how stupid smokers look as they hang outside their offices for a nicotine fix.
I will never take another puff as it has been hard work to get to this stage. I don't want to put potential quitters off on joining the journey on the road to freedom so probably best not to share my struggle here. That is in my other journal. The memories are fresh enough right now of that first hour, day, 72 hours, week that I don't need to re-visit it to remind myself. The only thing I regret is that by not finding this site until after the first week I wrote my journal looking backwards but I think that I have captured the true essence of that time. My learning so far is that the symptoms do ebb and flow, new things happen to my body as it heals after the decades of abuse, that I do not want to re-connect with that smoking monster I was ever, ever. I look forward to waking up with the new me every day!
But if someone could advise on when I will stop feeling SO emotional that would really help. By that I mean the wanting to cry a lot for no apparent reason. Not a problem when at home but I can't keep exiting for the ladies room as often as I am at work!
Great to be able to share some benefits:
- I am sleeping SO much better. I now know that I have awoken to a nicotine hangover for the last 30 years. I had no idea what normal people felt like on waking. This is transformational
- The world around me is a much calmer place because I am a calmer person in it. Believe every word on this site about the stress induced by nicotine. This is revelational
- My house is nice to walk into. I actually had a lavender candle on last night and could smell the lavender (I am trying to get the lingering nicotine smell out of the fabric - it will happen). This is delightful
- I have respect for myself that had withered away with the years of enslavement. I am now stronger than my addiction. This is liberating
- I have no excuse to smoke. I have quit and I will never let nicotine into my body again. That was the me of 19 days ago. The one who was weak and miserable. Now I get stronger every day. This is life-giving!
I really need to say the
biggest thank you to the managers and members here. You are really making my journey towards home so much more do-able. I already love each and every one of
you (here go the emotions again…..) and I am amazed with the support and time you give. I have devoured the contents to become educated about my addiction,
I've read every single Joel article in the book. The personal stories have inspired me, helped me, strengthened me. Oh wow I am gushing. But you are all
truly great. M
Free and Healing for Nineteen Days, 19 Hours and 44 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 13 Hours, by avoiding the use of 733 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £214.71.