Hi everyone,
I'm Mareq and I'm 28. I started to smoke, when I was 17. I can say that I was kind of "social-smoker", back then, but I let each one of you decide, how much "social" my smoking was those days. I occasionally smoked a cigarette or two offered by some of my friends, mostly at parties and such. In average it would have been 1-2 cigarettes in a month. All in all, social-smoker or not, that first cigarette in my 17 was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever done in my life.
I would never even think of cigarettes at university, almost 10 years ago, if I was not already smoking "socially" at the time. But I was already "social-smoker" for almost two years and I was unable to imagine how someone could be addicted to nicotine. I was told, all right, that cigarettes are highly addictive. But I was unable to imagine what withdrawal is and what it is like. It seemed like complete nonsense to me. It must be the easiest way in the world not to do something (as opposed to have to do something, especially when you are too lazy to do it), like not to smoke, right? So I did the most stupid thing, I would have done at that moment - I bought a pack of cigarettes and decided to smoke 2 cigarettes a day. It was in the middle of November and my plan was that I will stop at the end of the millenium. Marvelous plan, yes it was, and I was unable to even imagine that it would somehow, anyhow be the smallest problem for me. Boy, was I wrong! I was hooked sooner than I finished that very first pack. It did not took me 10 days to finish it (2 cigarettes a day, total 20 cigarettes). It took me less than a week. At the end of the year, I was unable to imagine my life without cigarettes! I was smoking one pack of cigarettes each day for last 10 years and there were times, not so long ago, when I was smoking two packs a day.
I never really liked "the taste" of cigarette. Because of that, to really enjoy cigarettes, I needed to drink something very sweet while puffing cigarette. At first it was black tea, containing probably at least as much sugar as water. But I was too lazy to prepare tea each hour or so and it is not very comfortable to bring a cup of tea with you everywhere you go. Thus, in the course of years, this tea somehow transformed into cola. And it is even worse, because cola not only contains lots of sugar, but also plenty of other aggresive chemicals like phosphoric acid and some others. Actually, I realized few years ago, that I am not drinking anything else - just cca 2 liters of cola each day. So, at the end, I was not only supplying my lungs with 4000 deadly chemicals contained in cigarette smoke. I was also supplying my stomach with cca 1.5 liter of cola, containing some other aggresive chmicals and lots of sugar. Each and every day for almost 10 years. All that because of stupid idea of taking cigarette from one of my friends in my 17 and, as if it was not enough, another stupid idea of trying how much addictive those cigarettes really are at the end of the very first semester at university.
Since then, I tried to quit hundreds of times, but I found it really hard to last even 24 hours. I did made it very few times, but at that 24 hour mark, or very soon after it, I just relapsed. Several times, I also made it for one or two weeks, but it was because I was forced to (e.g. when I was in hospital - it was nothing related to cigarettes, but those were strictly prohibited, there). And I relapsed at the first occasion (e.g. right at the front door of that hospital, when they finally let me go). I think that problem was that I was not really decided to quit. Yes, I wanted to, but something in my subconsciousness wanted the exact opposite and it made all my attempts unsuccessful. I was really afraid of actually succeeding with my quit. Never smoking a cigarette again was simply unthinkable and really scary idea.
Two months ago, I made one of those more serious attempts. I failed in less than 24 hours, as usual. I tried it one week later, again. It lasted 12 hours. I tried it the very next day and faild in 14 hours. I analyzed my failures a lot and I realized that great fear of never smoking cigarette again. So, I decided to smoke only 2 cigarettes each day. And it was when I found WhyQuit.com. As the very first thing I read on that site was Bryan's story. I have seen lot of such stuff before, but this was something I was not able to go through. Those two photos taken 66 days apart, not even resembling same guy - and yet it is the very same one, only 34 years old man, father of little son. After seeing that, I almost decided to quit for good, but that fear has won over me again. I smoked two cigarettes that evening and only 2 cigarettes the next day. Half a pack of cigarettes next evening, while returning from party, where I drank too much, probably because I was trying to subconcsiously supplement cigarettes with something. It went like this for a week. Then I decided that it makes no sense to torture myself like this, when Joel says that it takes only three days if no nicotine is administered. And it worked!
But in case you think I have had enough lessons on stupidity before, you are deadly mistaken. It lasted for two weeks and almost two days. I convinced myself that The Law of Addiction, I have read about at WhyQuit.com does not apply to me and I bummed a cigarette off my colleague while going home from work. I thought that I was some exception from this very law. Well, I was not, at least not at that time. I felt awful, that cigarette did not tasted any good to me, I was angry about myself. But as much I was trying to convince myself again that I am an exception and I do not need second cigarette, I was unable to do it and smoked another few while I came home. It took me two weeks to try it again and it seemed that I will scceed. But then, I went to dinner with my colleagues, I drank a glass of whiskey and I bought and smoked a cigarette while leaving the restaurant. I tried it four more times, but it lasted only one or two days, if not only few hours. And at that point I realized that I am slowly returning to my "normal" as it was defined for last 10 years. And I also realized that I am starting to be little annoyed by this routine of constanly quitting and relapsing again and again. I was more than little annoyed by this, actually. So, I finally made solid decision to never smoke again. I took that last puff on 23rd of October 2010 at 12:32:42 GMT. I finally (hopefully) surpassed that fear of never smoking again, which enabled me to register at this forum - I was afraid to do it before, because of the relapse policy. I am finally really commited to get rid of those stinky deadly nicotine delivery devices for good and to never take another puff!
I'm Mareq and I'm 28. I started to smoke, when I was 17. I can say that I was kind of "social-smoker", back then, but I let each one of you decide, how much "social" my smoking was those days. I occasionally smoked a cigarette or two offered by some of my friends, mostly at parties and such. In average it would have been 1-2 cigarettes in a month. All in all, social-smoker or not, that first cigarette in my 17 was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever done in my life.
I would never even think of cigarettes at university, almost 10 years ago, if I was not already smoking "socially" at the time. But I was already "social-smoker" for almost two years and I was unable to imagine how someone could be addicted to nicotine. I was told, all right, that cigarettes are highly addictive. But I was unable to imagine what withdrawal is and what it is like. It seemed like complete nonsense to me. It must be the easiest way in the world not to do something (as opposed to have to do something, especially when you are too lazy to do it), like not to smoke, right? So I did the most stupid thing, I would have done at that moment - I bought a pack of cigarettes and decided to smoke 2 cigarettes a day. It was in the middle of November and my plan was that I will stop at the end of the millenium. Marvelous plan, yes it was, and I was unable to even imagine that it would somehow, anyhow be the smallest problem for me. Boy, was I wrong! I was hooked sooner than I finished that very first pack. It did not took me 10 days to finish it (2 cigarettes a day, total 20 cigarettes). It took me less than a week. At the end of the year, I was unable to imagine my life without cigarettes! I was smoking one pack of cigarettes each day for last 10 years and there were times, not so long ago, when I was smoking two packs a day.
I never really liked "the taste" of cigarette. Because of that, to really enjoy cigarettes, I needed to drink something very sweet while puffing cigarette. At first it was black tea, containing probably at least as much sugar as water. But I was too lazy to prepare tea each hour or so and it is not very comfortable to bring a cup of tea with you everywhere you go. Thus, in the course of years, this tea somehow transformed into cola. And it is even worse, because cola not only contains lots of sugar, but also plenty of other aggresive chemicals like phosphoric acid and some others. Actually, I realized few years ago, that I am not drinking anything else - just cca 2 liters of cola each day. So, at the end, I was not only supplying my lungs with 4000 deadly chemicals contained in cigarette smoke. I was also supplying my stomach with cca 1.5 liter of cola, containing some other aggresive chmicals and lots of sugar. Each and every day for almost 10 years. All that because of stupid idea of taking cigarette from one of my friends in my 17 and, as if it was not enough, another stupid idea of trying how much addictive those cigarettes really are at the end of the very first semester at university.
Since then, I tried to quit hundreds of times, but I found it really hard to last even 24 hours. I did made it very few times, but at that 24 hour mark, or very soon after it, I just relapsed. Several times, I also made it for one or two weeks, but it was because I was forced to (e.g. when I was in hospital - it was nothing related to cigarettes, but those were strictly prohibited, there). And I relapsed at the first occasion (e.g. right at the front door of that hospital, when they finally let me go). I think that problem was that I was not really decided to quit. Yes, I wanted to, but something in my subconsciousness wanted the exact opposite and it made all my attempts unsuccessful. I was really afraid of actually succeeding with my quit. Never smoking a cigarette again was simply unthinkable and really scary idea.
Two months ago, I made one of those more serious attempts. I failed in less than 24 hours, as usual. I tried it one week later, again. It lasted 12 hours. I tried it the very next day and faild in 14 hours. I analyzed my failures a lot and I realized that great fear of never smoking cigarette again. So, I decided to smoke only 2 cigarettes each day. And it was when I found WhyQuit.com. As the very first thing I read on that site was Bryan's story. I have seen lot of such stuff before, but this was something I was not able to go through. Those two photos taken 66 days apart, not even resembling same guy - and yet it is the very same one, only 34 years old man, father of little son. After seeing that, I almost decided to quit for good, but that fear has won over me again. I smoked two cigarettes that evening and only 2 cigarettes the next day. Half a pack of cigarettes next evening, while returning from party, where I drank too much, probably because I was trying to subconcsiously supplement cigarettes with something. It went like this for a week. Then I decided that it makes no sense to torture myself like this, when Joel says that it takes only three days if no nicotine is administered. And it worked!
But in case you think I have had enough lessons on stupidity before, you are deadly mistaken. It lasted for two weeks and almost two days. I convinced myself that The Law of Addiction, I have read about at WhyQuit.com does not apply to me and I bummed a cigarette off my colleague while going home from work. I thought that I was some exception from this very law. Well, I was not, at least not at that time. I felt awful, that cigarette did not tasted any good to me, I was angry about myself. But as much I was trying to convince myself again that I am an exception and I do not need second cigarette, I was unable to do it and smoked another few while I came home. It took me two weeks to try it again and it seemed that I will scceed. But then, I went to dinner with my colleagues, I drank a glass of whiskey and I bought and smoked a cigarette while leaving the restaurant. I tried it four more times, but it lasted only one or two days, if not only few hours. And at that point I realized that I am slowly returning to my "normal" as it was defined for last 10 years. And I also realized that I am starting to be little annoyed by this routine of constanly quitting and relapsing again and again. I was more than little annoyed by this, actually. So, I finally made solid decision to never smoke again. I took that last puff on 23rd of October 2010 at 12:32:42 GMT. I finally (hopefully) surpassed that fear of never smoking again, which enabled me to register at this forum - I was afraid to do it before, because of the relapse policy. I am finally really commited to get rid of those stinky deadly nicotine delivery devices for good and to never take another puff!

