Today I have 23 days of being nicotine free.
Halloween morning I stopped completely cold turkey without any warning. It completely took me by surprise. I grabbed my American Spirit loose tobacco to roll my cigarette. I looked down at it and instead of salivating like usual...I saw dirty weeds sitting in a paper. I was like...eww! All of the sudden I heard something inside of me say..."Walk through the doors now". Not..."Quit smoking now". I then made a decision right there. I literally felt as though I had walked through two French doors in my mind and my mind shifted.
I then took the whole pouch and flushed it down the toilet. I threw out every ashtray, every pack of rolling papers and bought a hepa filter to air out my house. Then I did something different than I had ever done before...I started reading everything I could about nicotine and how addictive it was. Before I read things about quitting smoking. Smoking wasn't the issue I finally realized. It was merely the way I chose to administer the nicotine to myself.
About 7 days into my cessation I found this site. I was more interested in learning how nicotine controls a person and how it alters our brain and body chemistry. What I have learned is simply amazing. I have learned what an insidious drug this is. My friends shrug it off when I try to explain to them how addicted I was. They try and use "rationale", or as I call it...subtle, manipulative adult peer pressure to justify my addiction, and theirs by saying..."You didn't even smoke that much. Don't you think you're overreacting? Oh come on, a couple of cigs with some drinks...BIG DEAL"! But it is a big deal...to me! And that is all that matters. You can lecture, scare, try to to induce guilt onto someone all you want, but if they don't want to quit...they ain't quitting.
My friends now feel threatened. Some sit there and say..."Ooo, now that you're the big non smoker you're probably going to lecture me and try and get me to quit". My answer to them is..."Don't flatter yourself. That's what you probably want me to do, but I assure you it ain't happening. That is YOUR responsibility. I am not your mommy, daddy, boss, or keeper, and even if I was...it's still YOUR addiction and it is YOUR responsibility. If I had to come to terms with that, then so do you, because you're not getting off that easy bub.
I still do not know what happened to me. At this point, however, I don't care. All I know is that I'm grateful for whatever it is/was. If it was "God", my subconscious processing, long overdue guilt, or just plain old common sense finally kicking in I am grateful and I hope you all find what you need inside and out to stay free from this powerful drug. The one thing I tell myself now about nicotine and cigarettes is..."They have no power unless I give them power". It is ME that lifts it. It is ME that lights it. It is ME that inhales it...and it is ME that suffers for it.
Halloween morning I stopped completely cold turkey without any warning. It completely took me by surprise. I grabbed my American Spirit loose tobacco to roll my cigarette. I looked down at it and instead of salivating like usual...I saw dirty weeds sitting in a paper. I was like...eww! All of the sudden I heard something inside of me say..."Walk through the doors now". Not..."Quit smoking now". I then made a decision right there. I literally felt as though I had walked through two French doors in my mind and my mind shifted.
I then took the whole pouch and flushed it down the toilet. I threw out every ashtray, every pack of rolling papers and bought a hepa filter to air out my house. Then I did something different than I had ever done before...I started reading everything I could about nicotine and how addictive it was. Before I read things about quitting smoking. Smoking wasn't the issue I finally realized. It was merely the way I chose to administer the nicotine to myself.
About 7 days into my cessation I found this site. I was more interested in learning how nicotine controls a person and how it alters our brain and body chemistry. What I have learned is simply amazing. I have learned what an insidious drug this is. My friends shrug it off when I try to explain to them how addicted I was. They try and use "rationale", or as I call it...subtle, manipulative adult peer pressure to justify my addiction, and theirs by saying..."You didn't even smoke that much. Don't you think you're overreacting? Oh come on, a couple of cigs with some drinks...BIG DEAL"! But it is a big deal...to me! And that is all that matters. You can lecture, scare, try to to induce guilt onto someone all you want, but if they don't want to quit...they ain't quitting.
My friends now feel threatened. Some sit there and say..."Ooo, now that you're the big non smoker you're probably going to lecture me and try and get me to quit". My answer to them is..."Don't flatter yourself. That's what you probably want me to do, but I assure you it ain't happening. That is YOUR responsibility. I am not your mommy, daddy, boss, or keeper, and even if I was...it's still YOUR addiction and it is YOUR responsibility. If I had to come to terms with that, then so do you, because you're not getting off that easy bub.
I still do not know what happened to me. At this point, however, I don't care. All I know is that I'm grateful for whatever it is/was. If it was "God", my subconscious processing, long overdue guilt, or just plain old common sense finally kicking in I am grateful and I hope you all find what you need inside and out to stay free from this powerful drug. The one thing I tell myself now about nicotine and cigarettes is..."They have no power unless I give them power". It is ME that lifts it. It is ME that lights it. It is ME that inhales it...and it is ME that suffers for it.

