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I will not smoke today. I am an ex-smoker and recovering nicotine drug addict. If I have a bad day I know it is part of the healing, not a setback. Hi Lucie,Amongst other things, I was also a bit of a closet smoker. My daughter believed I only smoked 2 - 4 a day, not the reality of 30+. Part of being a drug addict of any kind is hiding the truth and so I made the decision to tell my daughter everything, about the smoking, the smoking 'lies', everything. I chose completion of 7 days without a puff, so I knew I could make the quit stick. In telling her, I also epxalined about addiction and what it can make us do to 'survive' with our habit intact. She totally understood and gave me her complete support. Telling her was just as liberating as quitting itself. It also removed another 'weight' from the quit and made things easier. I hope that helps because being honest with ourselves is only the first step.
John (JW)If you want to quit, surround yourself with successful quitters. After 1 month, 1 weeks, 1 days, 23 hours, 22 mins without a fix, I have successfully turned my back on 1169 nicotine providers which would have cost me £381.75. In doing so, I have gained an extra 4 days, 1 hours, 25 minutes to feel good about life.
Nov 8 10 4:55 PM
Nov 8 10 6:15 PM
The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker
Life had become a boring routine. She had just been going through the motions of maintaining a normal semblance of existence. Waking up, having a cigarette. Washing up and brushing her teeth, having a cigarette. Eating breakfast, having a cigarette. Doing some light cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and having a cigarette. Watching a little television while having a cigarette. Preparing a sandwich for lunch, having a cigarette. Taking a short nap, waking up for a cigarette. Reading the newspaper, having a cigarette. Making a list of needed groceries, having a cigarette. Getting ready to do some light shopping, having a cigarette. Driving to the local market, having a cigarette. About to enter the store, but stopping to have a cigarette. Checking out at the cash register, leaving the store and having a cigarette. Going home and starting to prepare dinner, having a cigarette. Eating dinner, having a cigarette. Clearing the table and washing the dishes, having a cigarette. Watching a little television, having a couple of cigarettes. Washing up, brushing her teeth and getting dressed for bed, having a cigarette. Getting into bed, having a cigarette. Going to sleep.
Ever since the loss of her husband many years ago, nothing in her normal daily existence seemed to give her life any meaning or any real happiness. Weeks would go by with her barely cracking a smile. Almost nothing seemed to bring her joy anymore. But this day was starting differently. After breakfast her phone rang. She ran for a cigarette. On the fourth ring she made it to the phone and picked up the receiver. It was her daughter. She lived only an hour away, but because of her career, her husband's schedule and the kid's school, soccer, piano, ballet lessons, etc., they only were able to visit occasionally. Well, to her pleasant surprise, she found out that they were coming on Saturday to spend the day.
For the first time in weeks she seemed truly happy. As soon as she hung up the phone she grabbed for a cigarette. She had to start planning and preparing to see the kids. She called her beauty shop to make an afternoon appointment. When she hung up the phone she took a cigarette. She got dressed and ready to go shopping, and right before leaving, she took a cigarette. In the car driving to the store she hurriedly smoked two cigarettes for she knew she could not smoke while in the store. She hurriedly went up and down the aisles, with a certain bounce in her step for she was still so excited about the visit. When she left the store she hurried to her car and lit a cigarette. She went home, put away the groceries, prepared and ate a quick bite, smoked a cigarette and hurriedly left the house to be on time for her beauty shop appointment. While she was there she smoked and conversed with the other patrons, glowing as she told of her exciting weekend news.
When she got home, she smoked a cigarette, and starting preparing a turkey for the big Saturday night meal. She smoked and ate, smoked and cooked and smoked and prepared for bed. One last cigarette and she slowly dozed off, happy and excited about the joy of the upcoming day.
When she woke up she excitedly grabbed for her first cigarette. She got up and cleaned and brushed her teeth, and took another cigarette. She ate breakfast and smoked again. She started preparing her feast and smoked numerous cigarettes. Even though she was not conscious of the fact, she was smoking more than normal. Through years of conditioning she had learned that since she couldn't smoke when around the grandchildren she had better have plenty of nicotine in her system by the time they arrived. A little last minute cleaning, and cooking and smoking. She was ready.
The door bell rings. She hurries to the door and opens it up. There is her family. Everyone is excited. She goes to kiss the youngest, who says "Oh grandma, you smell like an ashtray!" She was used to these comments, she loved him anyway. After 15 minutes of talking with all the kids and her daughter and son-in-law, she and her daughter go to the kitchen to work on the dinner. After a couple of hours she starts to feel the twinge for a cigarette. But she knows she can't smoke. The kids are running through the house vigorously. As the hours pass, her patience becomes strained. Too much noise she thinks to herself, boy, does she wish she could smoke a cigarette. She starts to complain of a minor headache. They decide they better eat early, grandma is seeming a little tired and a little hassled. They sit down to eat. The food is good and everyone is enjoying.
But grandma seems to be feeling worse and worse. Four hours have passed and still no cigarette. After dinner they all decide grandma needs some rest and mutually everyone agrees they will leave early. She kisses them all good-bye and rushes them out. As the door closes she hurries to her pack and smokes three cigarettes in a row. She finally starts to feel better. She now sits down in a quiet empty room thinking how lonely she feels and how sad that they had to leave so soon. But at least she has her cigarettes. But it had been a long day. She washes up, brushes her teeth, gets dressed for bed, and has one last cigarette.
Tomorrow would be another routine day.
Nov 8 10 6:32 PM
Joel you are amazing!! Firstly, I can't believe that you are responding to me!! I've been watching your videos each day of my quit and here you are replying to me about my daughter - I have felt so guilty about the times I have insisted on being on my own when my children wanted to come with me somewhere - I have finally moved on and put those guilty feelings to one side, I can't change the past but I can change the future, no....I am changing the future. Joel this story is so sad but how true - it could have been me in a few years time! but not any more because I've found Freedom. I had a fabulous thought today..... I truly know that this is it, I will succeed, I will escape this hideous addiction. Its really exciting, the future is going to be brill!!Luciexxxxx
Nov 8 10 9:20 PM
I will not smoke today. I am an ex-smoker and recovering nicotine drug addict. If I have a bad day I know it is part of the healing, not a setback. Hi Lucie,Owning up, especially to those closest to us, can be very liberating in itself and helpful to our quit. Let's be honest, they probably know about much of the smoking anyway as we used to stink like an old ashtray - however hard we tried not to with mints, breath fresheners, etc. We should also give them more credit for understanding what it's like to stop. They may not be smokers themselves, but they are not as stupid as we may try to treat them. As addicts we kid ourselves that all around us are stupid, not knowing what we are doing, unsuspecting, when the reality is often the opposite. My daughter is 38. When I told her I had been smoking 30+ a day she told me she realised it was more than 2 - 4 as I had said, but she didn't know the true amount. She was pleased I told her and, although she has never smoked, is now my biggest quit fan, always asking details of my quit meter and of the latest health improvements. Before I told her, she had noticed I had stopped smoking the previous week, but she didn't say anything for fear of upsetting whatever it was I was trying to achieve. So you see, those non-smokers closest to us will often walk on eggshells in trying to understand, even though we shut them out.It's never too late to change our behaviour towards our loved ones and it's certainly never to late to decide NTAP. John (JW)If you want to quit, surround yourself with successful quitters. After 1 month, 1 weeks, 2 days, 11 hours, 20 mins without a fix, I have successfully turned my back on 1184 nicotine providers which would have cost me £386.62. In doing so, I have gained an extra 4 days, 2 hours, 40 minutes to feel good about life.
Nov 10 10 5:34 PM
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Nov 11 10 7:10 PM
The smoking dream
The smoking dreams are common if not universal among ex-smokers. It is especially common when a person is off a short time period, and if it occurs within days or weeks of a quit, it is likely to be extremely disturbing and very realistic. Realistic enough in fact that the ex-smoker will wake up smelling and tasting a cigarette, convinced that he or she has actually smoked. I have had numerous clients search the house for the butt, it was that realistic of a sensation. Let me explain first why the physical sensation is so pronounced.
When first quitting, one of the early physical repairs that start up is cilia production. Cilia are tiny hair-like projections that line your trachea and bronchus, constantly sweeping particulate matter out of your lungs. When you smoked, you first slowed down, then paralyzed and would eventually destroy cilia. This is why smokers often have more colds and flues, they wipe out the first line of defense against the incoming microbes causing these illnesses.
When a person stops smoking, usually within 72 hours or so, cilia starts to regenerate. The ex-smoker may start cleaning out the lung in a matter of days. One of the early symptoms first encountered is coughing and spitting out, this is mucous and trapped matter that was never being cleaned out efficiently while smoking but now has an escape route and mechanism to start sweeping it. Ugly but good, you are starting to clean out a lot of garbage in your lung. Much of the garbage is tobacco tar--tobacco tars that have a very distinct taste and smell.
Let's say you are dreaming now, maybe a totally innocuous dream having nothing to do with smoking. While sleeping, cilia are sweeping, tobacco tars get brought up, reach sensory nerves for taste and smell and low and behold, you create a dream sequence involving a cigarette. But not only are you now dreaming, physical sensations of taste and smell persist upon awakening. This then becomes a real smoking sensation.
This gives a plausible explanation of why the dream occurred and why it was so vivid. But that is not the end of the significance of the dream. The dream can be interpreted in one of two ways upon awakening, and quit often, the ex-smoker takes it as a sign that they actually want to smoke. After all, they had been off smoking and just dreamt about it, that means they want to smoke, right?
I used to get calls in the middle of the night for clinic participants panicked by the dream. They would start off saying, "They can't believe it, off all this time and they still want to smoke." They knew they wanted to smoke because they dreamt about it. I would then ask them to describe the dream. They would tell about the vividness and realism, and they would almost always say it started to take on a nightmarish proportion. They would wake up in a sweat, often crying, thinking that they just smoked and blew the whole thing, that they were now back to square one. That all that time off smoking was wasted.
As soon as they would finish describing their feelings, I pointed out one very obvious fact. They just dreamt they smoked and assumed that meant that they wanted to smoke. They woke up and upon further clarification, they describe the dream was a nightmare. This is not the dream of someone who wants to smoke; it is the dream of someone who is afraid of smoking. This is a legitimate fear considering the ex-smoker is fighting a powerful and deadly addiction. Hence, it is a legitimate dream too. It kinds of gives you a sense of how bad you would feel if you actually do go back to smoking. Not physically speaking but psychologically. If the dream is a nightmare it makes you realize how bad this feeling is without having to actually have smoked and fallen into the grasp of nicotine addiction again. It can give you some perspective about how important not smoking is to your mental health.
The dangerous dream is when you smoke a whole pack in it, hack and cough, get socially ostracized, develop some horrible illness, end up on your death bed about to let out your final live breath-and all of a sudden wake up with a smile on your face and say, "that was great, wish I could do that when I am awake." As long as that is not the dream you were having, I wouldn't let myself get to discouraged by it. If that is the dream, then we may need to talk more.
In regards to smoking, no matter what you do in your dreams, you will be OK as long as you remember in your waking state to Never Take Another Puff!
Joel
Nov 12 10 11:25 AM
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