15 Jan 2010
I have run out of time. The biopsy showed hyperkertosis- mild epithelial displasia; not yet cancer; cease smoking immediately; another appointment in 6 months
So I have to quit and this is the day.
Main reason #1: avoid mouth cancer
I will try to write one reason each day for a while. It might make it easier. Looks like I will be chewing a lot of gum. I have about 3-4 weeks before starting work so I may be over the hump by then.
Why do I smoke? Boredom, addiction, anger, habit
10:30 am: so far, I have cheated- 1 ½ cigarettes
Ended up having 7 the rest of the day
Crisis with my elderly aunt so I turned to a cigarette. I'll try again tomorrow to keep it down
16 Jan 2010
So this morning, I had 3 cigarettes; we went to the next town and although I had a craving after a few hours, it seemed to pass. Then when we got home, I had 2 more.
As I have each one, I am trying to pinpoint why I am wanting it and to focus on the negative aspects.
Reason for today: to get rid of the crappy taste in my mouth
I have set next Wednesday as 0 day. I will be at work. Usually I smoke at work because I'm bored so I will try to keep doing something else.
So I had a total of 6 all together today; if I can go 7 hours when I am out, why can't I go 7 hours at home?
17 Jan 2010
12:30 So far 2 today; 8:30 pm had 6 more then 1 more after, total 9. Trying to go 7 hours today didn't work
Today's reason: stop building up black on my teeth
18 Jan 2010
Today is the 7 hour day starting at 9 am when I got downstairs.
Today's reason: walk up the hill easily
Lasted 3 hours; had one at 12:15; 8:30 so far have had 6 all together
It's too easy to have one, then another, etc. I am just putting off the inevitable
Ended up having 8 all together
19 Jan 2010
4:15- so far have had 3; ended up having 8 for the day
Got a copy of the report: no evidence of malignancy is present in these tissue sections; consistent with a smoking habit; recommended...cease smoking immediately; untoward change should result in re-biopsy
Dr H called me in as soon as she got the report; wanted to emphasize quitting smoking and the seriousness
Reason for today: don't want to look like XXX or go through what she did, or worse (this lady got mouth cancer, had most of her lower jaw removed, then reconstructive surgery)
20 Jan 2010
This was supposed to be zero day; had one when I got up; I play mind games
So far, have had 3 at 5:00. Good part is that I went 6 ½ hours at work without any cigarettes.
Ended up having 5 all day.
Reason for today: clothes smell better
21 Jan 2010
What a wimp. I have had 3 today, 12:30
6:00 Had 2 more; haven't gone more than 3 hours without
Reason for today: get rid of dry mouth
Ended up with 7; must quit this
22 Jan 2010
I blew it; lasted until 11 am then had 1
Reason for today: show some self-control
Which I don't have; so far 5 today at 4 pm
So I ended up having 6, last one at 6 pm; no more left in that pack.
Managed to get through to bedtime with no more
23 Jan 2010 Day 1
This is zero day, already I am playing mind games- psychological games not physical right now
Just do it
11:30 am and it's getting harder; mostly habit and psych games
3 pm and still hanging in there; getting really hard; dizziness from withdrawal?
6:30 and still hanging in there; almost gave in a few times
Did it!!! First zero day