I've read many threads on this, but over the past three or four nights I've been having some serious smoking dreams. Or at least, dreams where smoking is involved. I didn't have dreams like this back when I was a smoker! And yes, they *are* vivid and they *do* feel like I just -- for some odd reason -- messed everything up! Each time I feel like I have to struggle to remember: "exactly what just happened here?" ... the cigarette just appears, lit, in my hand and the next thing you know I'm puffing away at it. Then I feel cheated and messed over because I didn't really feel like I had a choice in the matter. I got duped, it feels like. Then I wonder how in any reality I could be holding nothing one second and a cigarette the next. *Then*, I realize (and pray pray pray) that I've only been dreaming, only to flutter awake and realize that I *had*. And though I've been relieved t discover this, it always makes me feel like I've relapsed a hundred times.
I've read Joel's thread on lung tar and the reactivation of cilia in the lungs, and while this certainly makes sense in many ways, it still troubles me to have the dreams. In a way, it sort of makes me feel like my resolve is already broken -- even though my stance is solid.
(I ended my smoking habit 1 Week 5 Days 6 Hours 24 Minutes 35 Seconds, for a total of 196 cigarettes not smoked. While I was at it, I've saved a whole $44.16. Amazing.)