...........To be exempt, relieved or released, esp from an unpleasant or unwanted condition or obligation - often in combination..........
Chronic Addiction to Nicotine. That was my unpleasant and unwanted condition, my unwanted obligation - most definitely in combination. As much as I tried to convince myself that I "enjoyed" those little white sticks of nicotine, I knew, always deep down that I disliked and loathed the fact I was trapped by them.
They were in charge of everything I did, everywhere I went, how long I spent places, who I spent time with, how much money I had or didn't have, how I smelled, how physically well or unwell I felt, how many steps I could climb before almost passing out, when I could eat, when I could drink, when I emptied my bowels, how I felt about myself, how I looked, when I could sleep, my level of anger and frustration, my entire emotional spectrum..........
It really was nothing to do with enjoyment was it, it was purely and simply because I was totally addicted to Nicotine. I was a nicotine junkie, and that nicotine had me captivated all right.
This night 5 months ago I felt ill. I looked ill and I couldn't stand myself for having to keep rolling up tobacco and smoking it, I hated it so much, it depressed me and made me deeply ashamed, those mental wars, the junkie thinking fighting back and telling that rational, sane thinking to get lost. Every day I wished I didn't smoke, was not hooked on nicotine. But every day I kept having that first puff, so everyday of course the cycle continued.
But I did quit. I am free now, I have no unpleasant or unwanted obligation to fulfil in the shape of nicotine replenishment, that is perhaps the most unbelievable thing that has happened in my life. I remember January 12 2008, I remember my last fix. It has had a profound impact upon me, ironically just as the first fix did.
I do still think about being an ex-smoke or am aware that I am a non-smoker, it is still with me every day. But I think differently about the smokes now, I don't think about it every 40 minutes as I did 5 months ago! I don't crave a smoke and I comfortably accept nicotine for what it truly is, a chemical that my body does not need, I see the smokes differently too, they are just one particular form of nicotine delivery device.
Anyway. I am so very happy to be free, I know there is never a single reason, experience, person, place or thing to justify ingesting nicotine ever again. I am safe, as long as I Never Take Another Puff. And, the best, most wonderful part of it is that I don't want to take another puff. The further I go, the easier it becomes, the more real I feel, the more beautiful life seems. Nicotine addiction is so devastating, it steals so much of who we are - maybe it steals almost all of who we are.
So, I just wanted to ramble, my head is so full of thoughts and I feel so very grateful to everyone who participates on here and provides solace, advice and humour on the journey out of the darkness. Thanks to each and everyone of you. Especially to Joel and John and all the managers who keep things moving.
For those of you who may read this who have yet to quit......Don't lurk out there too long.........It is possible to rid yourself of Nicotine Addiction.......It's not a secret solution........Nothing magical or impossible.......It's just about being honest with yourself. If you really want to quit all you have to do is Never Take Another Puff. Try it, you might be surprised, but you will definitely not regret it!
Thanks for reading sorry for rambling, enjoy your Freedom guys!
FREE for 152 days. (5 Months)
By Avoiding the use of 3,041 nicotine delivery sticks.
Reclaiming 1 Week, 3 Days, 13 hours and 25 minutes.