Hello,
I am John. This is day 8 of my breaking free of nicotine. This is my umteenth quit smoking attempt. What makes this time so different? I am an addict.
Never could say this about myself before. Surly I am not proud of this though have come to accept it and deal with it. In the past, I have tried to avoid
triggers and cravings at all costs creating overwhelming anxiety when they occured anyhow. Through education, the message boards, and support of manangement
of this website, I have discovered I can breathe, lean into, and feel the craving. This is where the true healing takes place. Even though fear is present,
I can be brave and use the strength within me to resist addtional self destruction.
Simply stated, I cannot bear being controlled by a drug any longer. Every waking moment was spent planning my next smoke. Basically a closet smoker leading
to lots of alone time to smoke as well as deceit to myself and others. A heavy burden to carry indeed. Nothing was as important as those next smokes. The
stink of my car, yellow teeth, stained fingers, headaches from the nicotine slamming into my brain, being taken advantage of by the gov't counting on my
habit to supply tax dollars, constant withdrawl and irritability not to mention the disappointment in myself and that of others who counted on me to be
strong. Lots of showers, washing of clothes, mouthwash, brushing of teeth, gum, planning how many hours I could smoke before I saw somebody who might be
able to tell. Rationalizations the worst of all. Agggghhhh. Who needs it?
I am doing this for me...nobody else. I like breathing fresh air, exercising, honesty, and most of all...being in control of myself.
Things I will do to make this quit a success:
- welcome, breathe, feel, and confront urges and cravings while recognizing this is a key action of the healing process.
- use my watch to time 3 to 4 minutes when I am feeling overwhelmed.
- REMEMBER the horrible feelings of being controlled by a drug along with the memory of how I feel when I smoke. Never should I forget how painful it is to
use nicotine and to withdraw as well. Never should I forget the pain of the past 8 days spent taking pieces of my life back where they belong.
- know that life is going to happen both good and bad whether I am smoking or not.
I feel great. I am proud of myself. I am in control of me. This is what I want.
I will...as long as I never take another puff.
John

