Hello All,
I've been nicotine free since last Wednesday, April 11th. I can't believe I made it this long! I first tried a cigarette when I was 14, and smoked one here and there for about 3 years until I was 17, when I started smoking regularly. I was working at a Dunkin Donuts and met my soon-to-be best friend, and she was a regular smoker, so I started smoking with her on breaks, gabbing in the back room. Next thing you know, I had a pack-a-day "habit." She passed away of ovarian cancer in August 2003, at the age of 39. To show you how sick my brain is on nicotine, one of my rationales for continuing to smoke was that it was a way to hang on to memories of her and the good times we had. I quit smoking in 93 during my pregnancy with my daughter, and started right back up again shortly after she was born. When I got pregnant with my son in 1996, I was not able to stop for him. That guilt has weighed on me for the past 10 years.
I'd tried to quit a few times here and there but looking back they were pretty half-hearted. I know I left "outs" for myself, by making excuses to have one here and there, not getting rid of all the cigarettes, lighters, etc. etc. This time, I had decided to try using the lozenges, so on Sunday night (Apr 8th) I smoked my last cigarette and Mon morning had a lozenge instead. They tasted nasty and I could barely get through even half of one. I had to spit them out after a while. But I did get through the day without lighting up, which did a lot for my confidence that I could go without "the cigarette". Now on Tuesday, the lozenges were starting to taste a lot better. I was able to suck on one until it was almost dissolved and I was looking forward to having one. By Wednesday something in my brain had "popped" as I realized, "hmmm....this is just like...when I started smoking!" I'd always know it was an addiction but I guess it'd never really sunk in until that moment. I don't agree with NRT but I'm glad I took them for those few days because that's how I saw the light. I felt so good about myself for having not had a cigarette and realizing that my feelings of pride were false because I was just getting hooked on something else made me so angry that I just threw the lozenges out and haven't looked back since. :-) My first day was horrible, LOL. I had a huge fight with my boyfriend over NOTHING, just nic-fitting and miserable, then spent the afternoon on the couch bawling my head off. It was terrible, but the key is that I made it and it wasn't that bad if I look at it in perspective. Nobody died, the sky didn't come crashing down, etc. It was just a bad feeling that went away, just like lots of other bad feelings in life. And it's gotten better since then. I still have "moments" but for the most part I feel really good and those moments don't last forever.
Well, I have to get back to work now so no more babbling for me! :-)
I've been nicotine free since last Wednesday, April 11th. I can't believe I made it this long! I first tried a cigarette when I was 14, and smoked one here and there for about 3 years until I was 17, when I started smoking regularly. I was working at a Dunkin Donuts and met my soon-to-be best friend, and she was a regular smoker, so I started smoking with her on breaks, gabbing in the back room. Next thing you know, I had a pack-a-day "habit." She passed away of ovarian cancer in August 2003, at the age of 39. To show you how sick my brain is on nicotine, one of my rationales for continuing to smoke was that it was a way to hang on to memories of her and the good times we had. I quit smoking in 93 during my pregnancy with my daughter, and started right back up again shortly after she was born. When I got pregnant with my son in 1996, I was not able to stop for him. That guilt has weighed on me for the past 10 years.
I'd tried to quit a few times here and there but looking back they were pretty half-hearted. I know I left "outs" for myself, by making excuses to have one here and there, not getting rid of all the cigarettes, lighters, etc. etc. This time, I had decided to try using the lozenges, so on Sunday night (Apr 8th) I smoked my last cigarette and Mon morning had a lozenge instead. They tasted nasty and I could barely get through even half of one. I had to spit them out after a while. But I did get through the day without lighting up, which did a lot for my confidence that I could go without "the cigarette". Now on Tuesday, the lozenges were starting to taste a lot better. I was able to suck on one until it was almost dissolved and I was looking forward to having one. By Wednesday something in my brain had "popped" as I realized, "hmmm....this is just like...when I started smoking!" I'd always know it was an addiction but I guess it'd never really sunk in until that moment. I don't agree with NRT but I'm glad I took them for those few days because that's how I saw the light. I felt so good about myself for having not had a cigarette and realizing that my feelings of pride were false because I was just getting hooked on something else made me so angry that I just threw the lozenges out and haven't looked back since. :-) My first day was horrible, LOL. I had a huge fight with my boyfriend over NOTHING, just nic-fitting and miserable, then spent the afternoon on the couch bawling my head off. It was terrible, but the key is that I made it and it wasn't that bad if I look at it in perspective. Nobody died, the sky didn't come crashing down, etc. It was just a bad feeling that went away, just like lots of other bad feelings in life. And it's gotten better since then. I still have "moments" but for the most part I feel really good and those moments don't last forever.
Well, I have to get back to work now so no more babbling for me! :-)

